Savior Complex

I realized that a lot of women, myself included are guilty of this. We see something wrong with a guy, we think we can fix it. We see potential that he isn't using, we try to fix it. He has issues, we try to fix it. In the end we realize we can't and we feel like we somehow failed. I guess what we have to learn is that it's not our responsibility to fix our partner's life, and the only person who can do that is himself.

What happens is that you start to blame yourself and think everything is your fault. It becomes, as ugly as it sounds, a project. If you succeed, you feel good, if you don't, you wonder what you did wrong. The thing is, you didn't do anything wrong, except maybe spoonfeed and live for the other person, when really they should learn for themselves. If he's lazy, let him be lazy, but you should still go and follow your dreams. If he has anger issues, let him be mad at the world, but don't try to change the world to suit him, because that won't help in any way.

We aren't their mothers or psychologists. It's not up to us to change how they view the world, themselves or to fix their ugly parts. We're not the Ghostbusters who are responsible for getting rid of their monsters. We fought our own demons, they should fight theirs, not just because it takes its toll on us to do all this for them, but also because it will benefit them in more ways than one to do it themselves.

I found some old journals the other day, and I was flipping through them and was amazed at my insights and thoughts. I felt like a was relearning so many forgotten lessons-and from-of all people, my younger self! I've been feeling so much better lately, and life is starting to look good to me again.

I'm off to Bora on Friday, but this time, with the little girl. She's never been there so I'm excited to take her for a little mommy-daughter mini-holiday.

xoxo