Who am I?

* I was asked to answer the question Who am I? This is what I came up with.

I always thought the question “Who am I?” would be one of the easiest to answer. After all, we all know what we are and aren’t, what we like, and we are all something-a student, a wife, a lawyer, a doctor.
Then I remember what my dad told me once, when I was at a crossroads in my career. I was an editor for a teen magazine and I was caught between two colliding worlds. I loved what I was doing but at the same time, I didn’t want to turn into a product of my environment. I have always loved fashion, writing and meeting and working with different people, so in that way, my job was perfect. On the other hand, I also didn’t care if I was beanpole skinny, although I loved fashion-I never followed trends, I did not like gossiping about people in the industry that one day I finally cracked and asked myself if I wanted to be what was beginning to feel like a shallow, superficial line of work. When I asked my dad for advice he told me that what I was doing did not equate to who I was, unless I chose it to. He said that I didn’t have to give in to the evils that lurked in that industry and just concentrate on what I love about it instead.
My life became a lot easier once I came to terms that my spirituality would always be at odds with the material world I also enjoyed so much. It was what I loved to do, what I feel I was always destined to do. I just learned to catch myself every time I start thinking that I will die with out a Balenciaga bag or that Marc Jacobs is God.
In no way am I religious in the traditional sense. Not at all. I don’t even go to church. But I know there’s more to life then the things that seem super important. Most of this stuff I realized the day I found out I was going to be a mother. Then, I think I kind of went overboard for a while. I refused to go out, I felt no association with my old life and some of my old friends. I was the polar opposite of the girl I was before I got pregnant. I remember trying to do stuff I would have done before, and I felt like someone playing a part in a movie. I couldn’t marry my past and present and in the process, I found myself lost.
Throughout the past few years, I feel I have found my balance. I have discovered so many aspects of myself that I can be whatever the situation calls for. I can be a mother to my daughter, sometimes a nice one, sometimes one that gives tough love. I can be a partner to my boyfriend, a daughter to my parents, a reliable partner in business, a professional in my industry. I am a kid trapped in a 28 year olds body, but at times I find myself more mature than I ever thought I could be. In my college yearbook I have been described a walking paradox, as a woman spewing pearls of wisdom one minute and is cart wheeling like a 5 year old for her little cousins the next.
So, to ask me the question “Who am I” is unfair to me, and unfair to you, because no matter how many words I type, and how many pages I take up, it won’t be enough. I can say I’m a thousand things, but there will always be more.